celeste

Today we said goodbye to Celeste.

She was 11 weeks and 1 day from conception, measured perfectly to the day on Wednesday. My sister-in-law went in for a routine pregnancy checkup.

There was no heartbeat. The routine quickly became non-routine, and the D&C was scheduled for today. With tears in her eyes, she told me, "I keep thinking that someone is going to call me and tell me this is a joke."

She had dreamed that morning that she was bleeding, perhaps an unconscious anxiety after having a miscarriage in December. Or perhaps her body's way of letting her mind know that something was wrong.

It's harder than the first one, they agree. And can they withstand another miscarriage, they wonder. But that conversation waits until they pass this "for worse" moment in their marriage.

They might hold Noah a little closer and hug him a little tighter for awhile. They are so grateful for their beautiful 18-month old son.

It seemed important to me to name this child, and as I drove home, I thought "Celeste". It seems appropriate that it means "heavenly", because today she flew home to her Heavenly Father as we opened our reluctant hands and let her go.

Ah, Celeste. We miss you. There is some comfort knowing that we will see you in heaven.