fight.for.joy

It chokes me up, this gift I received tonight - a book titled Change the Way You See Everything.

It's been a hard week because I handed over the keys to my emotional bank account - opened my self-esteem door wide to a person who has no right to enter. I handed them over without a fight.

I want to be less permeable, to put up a bully-proof glass shield. I want to be able to read his words and not internalize them into failure, disappointment, fear.

But how?

The tears come from longing, from hope.

Change the way you see. (Can I?)

Change the way you see everything. (How?)

This joy-thing is not easy by any means. Oh, there were plenty who prayed and prophesied joy over me back in the days when divorce and despair sucked the light, and nearly my life, right out of me. I don't want to go there again.

God healed. The light flickered and grew stronger and yes, restored my joy.

I am determined to seek joy and the enemy of my soul is equally determined to steal, kill and destroy.

The only way to change the way I see is to change my mind. And the only way to change my mind is to soak in the truth of God's word.

I.will.fight.for.joy.